Homecoming

The bank account transfer and apartment rental should be completed soon. With these your visit is only days away. I will be so happy to see you again. It will be wonderful to have you next to me again. Today after seeing the apartment I am so much happier. I finally have something to look forward to.

Love,
Arley

Still Trying

Tomorrow I have an apartment showing. I will also try to schedule the showing for the residency interview. Once I get that it will be much easier to get things done. Soon we will all be together here, taking train trips to France, to the mountains of Switzerland, the tulips of Holland, a special time for you and me.

Thoughtless

Most of the time, I am thinking of nothing. I am only trying to exist in this moment. Breeze, water, sky, pavement. Work, food, work. To think, to contemplate, to fathom the incredible distance. To look down into the Rhine, in a straight line through the earth to where you are now, and how infitesimal you would be if I could see you. Like trying to ascertain the immesurable light years to the stars and galaxies. Only, what is so far is not a ball of hydrogen, but my very soul. To enter into this contemplation is to bring about tortuous sorrow, comfortless lonliness, inexcusable failure.

And so to choose life, to go on, I must choose to remain void, thoughtless.

Today

Today is gone, today is done, tomorrow is another one. From near to far, from here to there, I can't find an apartment anywhere. Today I was scheduled for an appointment, and at the last minute told that it was no longer available. Fortunately I met a Romanian guy at work who used to live in Kaiserwert. It is an area north of the city with houses, close to a hospital and the International School, and directly on a train route to work. Tomorrow I will try again. I will not give up until I have prepared a place for you, my May.

Love,
Arley

I am not here

When I am walking, it is not I who am walking. When I am sleeping, it is not I who am sleeping. I am not here. I am in a distant land, waiting to return to myself. I am here only as a ghost, an empty shell, a machine which produces saltwater Euros. When will I return to myself?

Together

Afternoon laziness
Riverbank pavement stones
Wafting pleasure boats
Dangling rustling leaves

Children in dresses
Waddling todlers
Snuggle-wrapped infants
Breeze-blown mirth

Golden tender arms
Windblown satin hair
Rain-soaked desert eyes
Together again

Else

I don't know what else to do, so I work all day. On the weekends I sleep and walk a long way. I don't want to sit still or at home and think of how much I miss you because it is unbearable. Please pray the we can be together soon. Whether rich or poor, here or there, I cannot be without you.